As a result of picturing how God sees us with God’s acceptance and spiritual agape love—with the love of a father—we experience the primary emotions of the love of God, joy, and peace. Those can appear and become the stabilizing force in our personality and relationships.

Colossians 3:1-12 gives us probably the clearest example of the distinct relationship between a person’s emotions, their lusts (or cravings) and self-management. These Bible verses emphasize God’s acceptance and view of us and our Identity found in Christ. We have to reckon or assume those realities as absolutely true.

From that reckoning, we are able to use that reality to relate to God and people. What is of great importance is to notice the sequence of transitional words and phrases that shows the process is interconnected and interdependent. Each new section’s application is dependent upon our practicing the principles in the preceding section. The entire ethic starts with a picture of the believer’s Identity found in Christ. At the same time we are to pursue a perspective that is built around Heavenly realities and relationships in the kingdom of God.

Maturity and this Process

Pursuit of God (Col. 3:1-4)

↓

Nullifying Inner Moods (3:5-7)

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Changing Relational Reactions (3:8-11)

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Ministering to Other People (3:12)

The chart above illustrates the maturing process for a believer outlined in the passage. As a believer matures he or she will eventually spend more and more time ministering to people (3:12). But throughout the day and at any time, the believer may find herself or himself in need of addressing any of the first three parts of the chart. And note, the first one of the pursuit of God(Col. 3:12) should be going on all the time. So, while it is true that each builds on the previous, that does not mean that the follower of Christianity cannot go backward in this process. What is important to note is that each section is based on the previous one. It starts with the pursuit of God, then the perspective set on heavenly values, and finally the recognition of one’s position in Christ.

This interplay between our Identity (our instinctive, unconscious picture of ourselves), our imagination (how we picture reality and ourselves), and our conscious (our instinctive sense of values) creates the picture and the perspective that we carry forward into life.

This excerpt is taken from the book Alcohol and Drug Addiction: Supplemental Readings for Becoming What God Intended by Dr. David Eckman.

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Sometimes we think God is accommodating Himself to us. We think that He sat up in heaven and asked Himself, “How can I communicate my acceptance and my spiritual agape love to mankind?” And then the light came on and He said, “I know! Since they already have families and since there are already fathers and kids, I’ll call myself a father.” But that is not it at all. He created families as a reflection of what already existed before the foundation of the world. What New Testament teaches about healthy relationships tells us that the way we function and relate to one another within the world and the kingdom of God is all about God and is based on the love and relationships that exist in the Trinity. We must remember that God is intrinsically relational, and that each member of the Trinity relates to us in a unique way.

This clip coincides with Chapter 1, Reading 1, of the Becoming What God Intended Workbook. It was originally broadcasted as a radio clip as a part of the weekly talk show of The Adventures of Amy & Larry, which aired on 100.7 The Bridge during the year 2003.

Sex and food are gifts from God.  They can bring either pleasure or, when misused, can inflict deep emotional pain in an individual’s life.

Dr. David Eckman has written a new book, Sex Food & God that shines a light into the darkness of addictions by illuminating the tragedy of these gifts gone awry.  He presents the problem of addiction as the misuse of good gifts intended for pleasure.  Dr. Eckman looks at why an individual crosses the line from healthy use to misuse, pointing to such catalysts as unaddressed pain in the heart of the person, fed in a viscous cycle of shame, a guilty conscience and guilt, and worthlessness.

Certainly we live in a culture tragically affected by addictions.  At best, most of us are affected in some way or another by addiction and the need for inpatient rehab, whether in ourselves or in the life of a loved one.  I recently had the opportunity to read Sex Food & God.  As one who has experienced a life complicated by addictions, I found in this book a tremendous wealth of information from a spiritual, emotional and biological perspective.  Dr. Eckman combines his education and training with careful research in his treatise of this issue.

Undoubtedly, most recognize the value of a healthy attitude toward sex and food.  But what about substances?  As Dr. Eckman discusses, food, sex, and substances work in harmony and balance with brain chemistry.  Chemicals in the brain are naturally produced for our benefit when one has a happy inner life, and to our detriment when positive feelings are absent.  When this balance is out of whack, we are in danger of misusing substances, food or sex to satisfy the inner longing of our soul, sometimes to the point of needing inpatient rehab or outpatient rehab and therapy.

Key issues that I found helpful in Sex Food & God include:

• The cycle of addiction, how one moves in circular fashion from negative moods, to disassociation, to acting out.

• How a stressed-out family background of dysfunctional family quotes factors into addiction.

• A biblical model of addiction-proofing presented by the Apostle Paul.

Quite possibly, the crux of Sex Food & God can be found in the third part of this book: Addiction Proofing through Developing a Romance with God.

After looking at cause and effect, it is here that Dr. Eckman gives hope to the hopelessness addiction brings.  First and foremost, he reminds us that even when caught in the cycle of addiction, one is still closest to the heart of God who is God Our Father.  He reminds us “nothing (even addictions) shall separate us from the love of God.”

Dr. Eckman reminds us that we are not the sum total of our sins, but the sum total of everything about Jesus and what he has done for us.  He teaches us to remember who we are in Christ and how to have a personal relationship with God our Father.  Dr. Eckman does not leave us there, but gives practical advice for dealing with painful emotions or a guilty conscience.  In essence, he has us apply the very principles of Christianity to break free of addictions, not through self-loathing or condemnation, but through a vibrant relationship, where we learn to how to have a personal relationship with God the Father.  Not through judgment, but through acceptance—God’s acceptance.  Not through a system of outward do’s and don’ts, but through an inner spirituality transformation that comes through believing that God’s acceptance is not based on performance, but based entirely on what Jesus did for us on the cross.

Most intriguing is the following comment from Sex Food & God: “The Recovery Movement should not be just an add-on to the life of the church, but the Recovery Movement should be the church…The Recovery Movement assumes that people have deep struggles within which leave them powerless.  That is one of the basic tenets of Christianity: we really are weak sinners.”  A profound statement worth pondering.

Apprehending our new identity in Christ, living within the framework of that identity, being valued, an experience of being loved and knowing God the Father as Abba/Daddy Father are all key components to walking out of the slavery of addiction into freedom.  In my opinion, Sex Food & God is a must-read for anyone curious about these issues, and hungry for the connection between the spiritual and emotional inner life and outward implications.

I pray that the book Sex Food & God will find its way into the hands of the many people who desperately need the truth, hope, and spirituality transformation contained between its pages.

This review was written by Janie Sheedy, the newsletter editor for Becoming What God Intended.

A deeply loved woman who feels profoundly appreciated, and is treated thoughtfully will probably have less of a problem with body image, and may not use food to find comfort, unlike a  woman who feels worthless. That is because she instinctively views herself positively. No human relationship or ethical situation is beyond the impact of the identity of the people involved. Humanly speaking, any moral or ethical situation can ultimately be defined as an issue of identity. How a person views himself or herself in the eyes of significant others will determine the moral result.

So how this often works out for a woman is that if she have a negative body image and feels worthless, that deeply affects how she instinctively views herself. Her Identity is a source of pain. Out of that pain she overlook the treasure that makes any person lovely, the inner person of the heart.
Furthermore, when a person is in deep pain over who he or she is, the individual may find comfort in food. That leaves people trapped. On the one hand too much food will affect body image, and yet it is food that comforts in the face of that discomfort.

Three realities are interrelated: body image, Identity, and the inner person of the heart. If the inner person of the heart is happy and at peace, then the self-control should be present to manage food well. But how does that person become happy? The foundation of happiness is to have an instinctive, deep sense of being loved. How does this come about? By becoming preoccupied with one who views us with spiritual agape love and delight – God the Father. As we become deeply convinced of how God is always perceiving us, then we are liberated of the self-blackmail that many bring upon themselves, setting the heart free to believe in God and embrace the love of God.

We have three responsibilities:

1. to picture ourselves the way God sees us,
2. to picture God the Trinity correctly,
3. and to picture ourselves the way God does.

When a Christian does not understand or practice viewing himself or herself the way God does—that is, as who we are in Christ with our Identity found in Christ and the love of God—the individual is vulnerable. First, the person is open to false views, a false use of the imagination. Therefore, you are doubly vulnerable if the capacity to picture is being used only for fantasizing about food instead of instilling who we are in Christ. Such ignorance leaves you vulnerable and enslaved because the way out of such compulsion and addiction is by the proper use of your ability to picture yourself as a beloved child of God, becoming the person God intended you to be.

This excerpt is taken from the book Food Compulsion and Addiction: Supplemental Readings for Becoming What God Intended by Dr. David Eckman.

Because our God who is God the Father gave not only His Son but also His Spirit, a Christian who feels worthless can be confident of his worth. We can be confident of who we are in Christ because we know God is true to His word, and because of what God is doing for us.

While the Son of God suffered on the cross, He was satisfying the righteous sense of God concerning our sins, taking our shame and guilty conscience.  He was in torment.  The torment of the second member of the Trinity lasted hours.  As for the third member of the Trinity, His torment may last our lifetime.  God is in us, listening to us, spending time with us.  When we sin, His pain or grief exists because He dwells in us.  Being mindful of this, the letter to the Ephesians says not to pain or grieve the Holy Spirit of God in whom we are sealed until the day of redemption.   Ephesians 4:30:

Stop putting the Holy Spirit of God into deep pain, by whom you were sealed until the day of complete redemption.

That third member of the Trinity is given to us because God wants us to know that God is going to follow through with His intentions.  Why is He doing this?  Because He’s going to forget?  Because He’s dishonest?  Because He has to force Himself into a corner?  None of those reasons.  He publicly displayed His Son on the cross so that we would know what we are worth to Him.  When a person feels worthless, they can be assured that God has considered them worth His Son. He has personally placed the Holy Spirit in our lives so that we will have confidence that God is true to His word and He will follow through.  Theoretically, if He didn’t follow through, we would keep the third member of the Trinity.  Theoretically, if we went to Hell, He would be there with us.  I don’t know what we would do with Him in Hell, but He is our down payment, our “engagement ring” from God that, what the New Testament teaches, tells us he will follow through with His promise.

Two-thirds of the Trinity have been given to win our assurance.  God has not given money for us.  God has not given things for us.  He has given two persons for us.  One cannot give more than oneself.  God has given His Son as the once-and-for-all sacrifice.  He has given His Spirit as the once-and-for-all down payment.

Study Christ and his sermon on the mount, and you will find that what the New Testament teaches about Jesus and the imagination: the only force able to place the listeners of the Sermon on the Mount into a new world was the imagination.  With sixteen illustrations Christ was going to take them into a new world, with a new picture of their hearts, with a new God. who is God their Father  They did not need character, nor will, deep minds, or memories of a history of righteousness.  What they did need was a willingness to take a spirituality transformation to see the real Jesus and the reality that Jesus saw.

The Sermon on the Mount was a confusing poem about the value of spiritual desolation, an exposition on character failings concerning ten topics, and above all a brilliant invitation to participate in the imagination of the Christ,  to see all as He saw it. In the first part of the Sermon, He told them He saw them as the salt and light of the world.  Salt preserves the world from rottenness and adds tastefulness, and light shows the world as it really is and God is as He is.

The question for the listeners was how were they really going to be that salt and light in the face of the moral bankruptcy Christ had so powerfully underscored?  His penetrating application of the spiritual laws of the Old Testament and His sharing of new laws stunned them with the knowledge that their hearts were corrupt, their knowledge on how to have a personal relationship with God was deeply troubled, and the age they were living in was overwhelming.

Christ’s solution was to transport them to an entirely new place with three new pictures. The pictures will show them the way to a new heart, a new Father, and a new world, setting the heart free.

In the book of Romans, Paul described the spirituality transformation, pilgrimage and religious failure of Israel (Romans 2-3). Then, he described the place of faith in the history of Israel (Romans 4). But it is in the Bible verses Romans 7 where Paul developed in three different ways that rules alone cannot master the human appetite.

Romans 7:1-6: We were released from rules to learn how to have a personal relationship with God because rules do not work.

Through an illustration Paul showed that a follower of Christianity has no ultimate relationship to law but has been delivered to learn how to have a personal relationship with God, a living relationship with God. Laws and rules as a master have no ability to release the heart from compulsion, setting the heart free.

So that, my brethren, you also died to the Law through the body of Christ . . . so that you might bear fruit to God. Romans 7:4

Romans 7:7-13: Merely focusing on keeping moral rules will not control the addictive cycle.

Using the past tense, Paul  described how in his experience with Christianity, he succumbed to using a mere rule to master his appetites. The attempt, he wrote, was a miserable and shocking failure.

For sin taking an opportunity through the [tenth] commandment, “You shall not lust,” thoroughly deceived me, and through it killed me [spiritually]. Romans 7:11

Romans 7:14-25: Paul then proclaims that the way out is learning how to have a personal relationship with God the Father through what Christ has provided.

Using the present tense, Paul wrote how a Christian is truly enslaved to sinful appetites within. A Christian left to his own resources cannot choose to freely do the right thing nor manage the appetites within.

I am seeing another kind of law in my members warring against the law of my mind, and continually taking me captive to the law of sin in my members. Romans 7:23

If, then,  we cannot change our behavior by surrounding ourselves with rules (in fact, this last passage demonstrates how focusing on rules actually worsens the behavior we are trying to change), how do we change? What New Testament teaches about healthy relationships tells us that we can only change when we are in a loving relationship with God who is God our Father. If the goal is only to change, however, we will have little excess. We cannot simply “use” God as a tool for our own goals and plans. The goal is to better know and love this God who has done everything for us.

This excerpt is taken from the book Alcohol and Drug Addiction: Supplemental Readings for Becoming What God Intended by Dr. David Eckman.

We are going to look closely at the Spirit of God’s place in the process of Christianity and daily living. This process is called Walking by the Spirit. Romans 6:4 says,

“as Christ was raised out from among the corpses through the glory of God the Father, thus also we ourselves should walk in a new kind of life.”

The phrase, “in a new kind of life” refers to a life built on how God sees us, as opposed to a life built on what we feel. The negative effects of sin formerly consumed our past; our present should now be based upon how God sees us. If we look at Romans 8, we find that the phrase, “we should walk” occurs again. Notice in Romans 8:4-6, we are told that this walking is done by means of the Spirit:

“. . . the righteousness of the law will be fulfilled in us who are not walking fleshly, but spiritually. For the ones who are fleshly have their perspective set on the things of the flesh, and the ones being spiritual have their perspective set on the things of the Spirit. For the perspective of the flesh is a state of relational death, but the perspective of the Spirit is life and peace.”

What are the “things of the Spirit?” They are our position and identity in Christ and the new relationship with our Father. They are the things described in chapters 3-6 of Romans.

How do these three things work together? God the Father sees me in Christ. That’s the positive picture. That is how He sees me. I turn to Him, and I begin to reckon myself, assume myself, to be alive to Him as Christ is alive to Him. I begin to share my thoughts, my feelings, my fears and anxieties in a trusting relationship. As I learn how to study the Bible and what it can tell me about God, and as I learn how to have a personal relationship with God, I can then take a positive step into life. As I take that step, the Spirit of God will empower me. Out of a positive relationship with God the Father, I can take that step by the Spirit, and not by the moods of the flesh.

Walking by the Spirit is feeling the effects of the Spirit’s presence and arranging how I’m living relationally in this world. What New Testament teaches about healthy relationships is that the act of walking is by the Spirit’s power, and it is under girded by my relationship with the Father and my identity in Christ. The steps that I take as I properly relate to the Father will be empowered by the Spirit of God.

God knows that we are fearful, suspicious people.  We are far more fearful than we ever would want to admit.  We are far more suspicious than we ever really will acknowledge.  Knowing our frame and guilty conscience, God is absolutely extravagant in the demonstration of the depth of the love of God He has for us.  He went out of His way to gain the confidence and devotions of our fearful hearts.

First of all, He gave a Son publicly on the cross on our behalf.  Secondly, Ephesians 1:13 and 14 state that a third member of the Trinity is involved in God’s demonstration of the love of God for us.  This is true of believers, but it is not true of non-Christians.  The Son of God was given to deal with the sins of everyone, the entire world.  The Holy Spirit was particularly given to Christians to deal with the world of fear within their hearts, setting the heart free.  Verse 13 says:

In whom also you yourselves, having previously heard the word of the truth, the good news of your deliverance, in whom also having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of the promise (referring to the promise of the gospel of John 14:16-17 where Jesus said He would send another comforter), who is an ‘arrabon’ of our inheritance unto a full deliverance of the permanent possession, unto the praise of His glory, the glory of God.

God gave the Spirit to us after we became believers, and the text says this spirit is an arrabon.  What is an arrabon?  If we went to Greece today and met an engaged lady and asked to see her arrabon, she would put out her hand with an engagement ring on it.  In modern Greek, that is what the word means.  A hundred years ago, if a woman received an engagement ring, it meant the fellow promised he would follow through on that marriage.  If he did not, the lady kept the ring. The piece of jewelry was a down payment reflecting his intentions.  If the woman was attractive and calculating, she could make a necklace out of the rings of the victims she ensnared.  The rule was, the lady kept the ring.

Arrabon is a word derived from ancient Greek.  In ancient Greece, an arrabon had to do with property.  An arrabon was a “non-returnable down payment on a piece of property that was going to be completely purchased later.”  A contract was made, and because it involved property, the purchaser gave a non-returnable down payment called an arrabon.  The buyer gave it to the owner of the property.  If the buyer did not follow through with the full purchase price, the owner kept the arrabon.

Think this through: the third member of the Trinity is our arrabon.  There is no reason in the world for God to give us the third person of the Trinity as a down payment.  God is true to His promises; He knows that He’s going to follow through, but the question is: do we really believe in God that He will follow through on His intentions?  We are often suspicious and fearful.

God the Trinity contains three members: one is a Father, one is a Son, and the other is the Holy Spirit.  God the Trinity gave one of its members on the cross to pay for our wrongdoing.  God the Trinity gave the third member of the Trinity, God the Holy Spirit, as a down payment to us.  In a real sense, two members of the Trinity are involved in our assurance.  The giving of the third member of the Trinity is as significant as the gift of the second member of the Trinity.

What New Testament teaches about healthy relationships shows us that a healthy emotional and spiritual life demands the healthy practice of forgiveness. True forgiveness has a deeply profound effect upon the one who forgives. Deeper Bible verses and scriptures on guilt and forgiveness tell us that the forgiver goes from an atmosphere of discontent and resentment to one filled with the love of God, the grace of God, and peace and joy. Such a transition cannot be underestimated as to its value.

Jesus Christ demanded that those who follow Him be forgiving people. In a number of ways He underscored the importance of forgiveness.

Why is forgiveness necessary? It is necessary for our own mental survival. We cannot live in a quagmire of unresolved difficulties and resentments. Living in unforgiveness is like being in quicksand. If we don’t forgive, we will sink beneath the surface and not reappear. Our lives will be lost in trying to right old wrongs and overcome dysfunctional family quotes and quarrels. Continually we will have to justify to ourselves the throwing of embers and coals onto the fires of our hatred. Such an expenditure of energy is a colossal waste.

We, as the children of God, who have been forgiven the immense debt that we owe God, are called upon to do one major thing for those who offend us. That thing is to forgive them. We who have been forgiven much should extend that forgiveness to others. God knows every one of our faults and wrongdoings. When He forgives us all of them, they are cleansed away and He treats us as if we have done nothing wrong at any time. Of course, this is immense kindness from the grace of God. Since we have been recipients of that, it is only reasonable that we should turn and be kind, showing grace to others.

What is the torture that the child of God receives when he or she does not extend forgiveness? The child enters the torture of his or her own resentment, dislike, and hatred. Such torture can be unlimited. Moreover, God, as a good Father, begins to bring discomfort and pain into the believer’s life so that the believer recognizes that something is wrong. The Spirit of God withholds His blessing, and the growth of spiritual qualities within the life of that believer ceases. Such torture goes on until the believer faces the contradiction of what he or she is doing. The contradiction is that having been the recipient of the grace of God and not extending it by showing grace to others is a betrayal of the gift and a slap in the face to the donor, God Himself. It is not only psychologically important to forgive; it is spiritually important to forgive. If there is any rule that binds the family of God together, it is the significance and greatness of forgiveness.

All of us have reasons to justify the holding of a grudge, but none of us have the ability to bear the pain that endless hatred and resentment bring. That pain will affect our lives in profoundly negative ways. Out of a desire for serenity and sanity, we should forgive.